Anger: Mindful Observation, Evaluation, and Natural Management

                       

One day, a snake sneaked into a closed factory. It was dark inside. In the darkness, the snake collided with an object and got slightly injured. Then the snake became angry and tried to strike the object with its fangs, which it had collided with. In this attempt, the snake ended up injuring its own mouth as the object was not something else but a saw.

Fueled by anger, the snake held onto the saw, losing all control over itself. It tightly coiled around the saw and created pressure, attempting to crush it. Due to the swift edge of the saw, the snake's entire body became covered in wounds.

Ultimately, due to the lack of control over its anger, the snake lost its life.

As far as my ability to write about anger is concerned, it's just that I have experienced anger and have been defeated by anger multiple times, but on some occasions, I have managed to control my anger as well.

Anger! Although it is merely a short word of two and a half syllables, according to Guru Kabir, all scriptures, on one side, and two and a half syllables (प्रेम-ईर्ष्या, क्रोध-क्षमा , शान्ति-मुक्ति, जन्म -मृत्यु ,तृष्णा-तृप्ति, ,ब्रह्म -सृष्टि ,शब्द-अर्थ, etc.) on the other side. If these two and a half syllables are not understood, we will miss the art of living life.

पोथी पढ़ि पढ़ि जग मुआ, पंडित भया न कोय ।

ढाई आखर प्रेम का, पढ़े सो पंडित होय ।।

Anger is like one of the many emotions that arise within our minds. Emotions are the progenitors of action and reaction (action and counteraction), and the repetition of emotions becomes ingrained in our nature. Our nature is the progenitor of our natural actions (either actions or reactions). The saga doesn't end here; the repetition of our natural action (habits) turns into impressions (samskaras) that can be carried forward to our next generations and future incarnations. The continuous repetition of anger leads to it becoming our nature, which then becomes a problem. When anger no longer a mere emotion but becomes a natural action or behavior of the mind , then problems arise. And when anger becomes a samskara or you can say character, it becomes nearly impossible to overcome. Anger is a problem, only if we are in control of it, it becomes an opportunity to enhance our personality we keep control over anger.

Anger is a spontaneous emotion of the mind. Its eradication or complete liberation can only be achieved after attaining liberation (moksha), and if liberation is achieved, then not just anger but also greed, desire, pride, envy, fear, pleasure, wonder, and other emotions will be gone and what will remain is only a transcendental contentment, joy, bliss, love and a balanced state of mind (समभाव या स्थिरप्रज्ञता). However, even the attainment of the transcendental joy of liberation in this mortal world is an illusion, a delusion, for ordinary beings like us.

Yes, a mindful observation, evaluation, and proper management of anger is possible, but before that, it's necessary to understand anger. As long as we, our mind and the emotions arising within it remain separate, there is no cause for concern. The problem arises when anger ceases to be a separate emotion, and our mind, the emotions within it, and anger all become unified. When anger conquers our mind and our mind conquers us, that's when we become the embodiment of anger. For those moments, we lose ourselves; we lose our consciousness (senses), our discernment (awareness) fades away, and we are left only with anger.

Many of us might have read moral education books in our childhood. We have read them during our childhood, but those lessons were profound. To some extent we could understand as children, and with grown maturity we can grasp much more from them with mindfulness. Before discussing the management of anger, let's look at two stories, and then we'll talk about the lessons we can derive from them.

(First Story):

In a village there lived a woman. "She was quite short tempered and inherently angry. Even over small matters, she could get agitated . Those living nearby were troubled by her, and they were afraid to speak to her. How could her home remain peaceful? Her anger had become the cause of constant conflicts in her household. She realized that her anger was becoming a source of trouble for her. Often, after the anger subsided (gone by), she regretted her actions. However, due to the lack of control over anger, she felt helpless. One day, a great sage arrived in the village. When news of the sage reached her, she decided to seek his guidance on how to overcome her anger. She thought that the sage might provide her with a remedy.

She met the sage and with respect, she said, "Revered Sage! I am troubled by my anger. I cannot control my anger. This saddens me greatly. Please give me a medicine that can help me stop getting angry."

The sage handed her a small bottle and said, "My child, this bottle contains a remedy to dispel anger. From now on, whenever you feel anger rising within you, put a few drops of this medicine in your mouth and keep it there."

The woman was overjoyed to receive the remedy from the sage. She thanked him and returned home. From that day on, whenever anger tried to take hold of her, she would put a few drops of the medicine in her mouth. Gradually, her anger started diminishing. After seven days, when the vial was empty, she returned to the sage and said, "Revered Sage, the remedy you gave me is truly miraculous. Taking it with anger instantly made the anger vanish. Now the medicine is finished. Please give me another vial."

The sage smiled and said, "My child, you will be surprised to know that there was no medicine in that vial. It contained plain water. When you drank water from that vial while feeling angry, you were forced to keep your mouth shut because of the water. And that is the remedy for anger—to close your mouth. Just practice this from now on."

(Second Story):

In a village, there lived a boy with his parents. Being their only child. While his parents loved him dearly. The boy had a quick temper. He would get angry over small things and lash out at people, saying hurtful things. As a result, he was shunned by his neighbors and friends, from the school to the neighborhood. Despite numerous attempts, his parents were unable change his temperament. One day, his father came up with an idea and called the boy to him. Handing him a hammer and a bag full of nails, the father said, "Son, from now on, whenever you feel anger rising within you, I want you to take out a nail from this bag and hammer it into the wall outside our house. This will help you control your anger."

The boy was determined to change and overcome his temper, as he felt bad about losing his friends. He accepted his father's suggestion and took the hammer and nails.

From that day onwards, whenever he felt anger welling up, he would run to the wall outside and hammer a nail into it. At first, he was frequently heading to the wall as anger struck him often. He had to go to the wall and hammer in a nail repeatedly. Over time, the number of nails in the wall started decreasing as his anger lessened. Eventually, he reached a point where he had hammered all the nails he could into the wall.

He went to his father and told him, "Father, I no longer need the hammer and nails because I've learned how to control my anger."

Hearing this, the father smiled and took back the hammer and nails. He then handed the boy a new task, saying, "Son, from now on, whenever you manage to control your anger, go to the wall and remove one nail." The boy started following this new task. While it took more effort to pull out the nails than to hammer them in.

Days turned into weeks, and the boy found that the wall had fewer and fewer nails. Yet, there came a day when he couldn't remove a certain nail despite trying his best. Frustrated, he went to his father and explained the situation. The father asked, "What do you see on the wall?"

"I see holes, Father," the boy replied.

The father explained, "Those holes represent your anger—sharp, hurtful words shoved into others heart like nails. Just as you can see, even after you remove a nail, the hole remains. Some holes are so deep that even after trying your best, you can't completely remove them."

The father's analogy helped the boy understand that just as harsh words can leave lasting impressions , the act of hammering nails represented the damage caused by his anger. From that day on, the boy made a conscious effort to avoid using hurtful words in moments of anger.

Let's discuss the indirect learning here. When we pay attention to both the stories, we can get to know that for controlling anger-

1. First It is essential to realise and understand this, or to have such awareness that we are under the influence of anger, and its management is necessary. This realisation is crucial even after the anger subsides; if it happens to be with us, then there is no trouble.

2. Second, there is a term called "Mindfulness and Consciousness." In Vedanta philosophy, it is called "Chetana or Bodha," and in common language, it's referred to as "Awareness." We need to have such mindfulness, awareness or consciousness to such extent that we become aware of the arrival of anger. As long as this awareness or consciousness remains, our mind and anger remain separate, and their management can be achieved through consistent practice. Maintaining such awareness or consciousness, or being so mindful or aware, is not as natural as the arrival of anger, so much practice is required.
   

3. We need to observe anger as a separate observer and ensure that it doesn't engulf our mind in its full impact. If that happens, the mind will quickly immerse us in its influence, and we, our mind, and anger will become united, and we will merely be puppets of anger.

4. To maintain this perspective or awareness of keeping the mind free from anger essentially means that, even in anger, you are mindful that you are under the influence of anger, and you are continually assessing your temptations or actions with your, deliberately or mindfully active conscience. Anger and conscience are adversaries to each other; both exist within our mind. The only necessity is to have this consciousness; you have the conscience, and the rest will be taken care of by your conscience. While in anger, you can keep reminding yourself that you have the ability to think and understand; this will eventually manage anger. The key is to keep your attention on your conscience instead of anger, and this requires a little practice.

The one you focus on, whether anger or conscience, becomes even stronger over time.

"करत करत अभ्यास के जड़मति होत सुजान; रसरी आवत जात ते सिल पर परत निसान" 

From emotion to nature, and from nature to character, the natural journey's outcome lies in the selection whether we choose wisdom or anger to shapes our character.

If you keep practicing to the extent that the level of your consciousness helps you identify the best solutions, make decisions, and act appropriately in situations, then you don't remain in your individual form; you become a conscious actor.

Our actions depend on circumstances, and a simple reaction turns into sensitive actions that are free from the delusion caused by external situations. We perform impartial actions based on our wisdom and engage in calculated actions, counteractions, or responses with anger. You have control over actions, and someone else has control over reactions. Therefore, the choice is always ours, whether we engage in wisdom-driven actions or anger-induced reactions.

"Our actions transform from reactive responses into mindful, sensitive actions that are free from the delusion caused by external situations. We perform impartial actions or act rationally based on our wisdom and engage in independent actions, rather than dependent counteractions, or reaction with anger. We use to have control while performing independent action (कर्म), and someone else gets control over us while giving reactions(प्रतिकर्म या प्रतिक्रिया). Control lies within us when it comes to actions, while reactions are influenced by others. The choice is always ours – whether to engage in actions guided by wisdom or reactions fueled by anger."

Sometimes, anger in relationships arises due to a specific role we play, and in such cases, all that is needed is a change in perspective or changing our role. By placing yourself in the role of a friend rather than a father, mother, sibling, or spouse exact situation might change. This will bring about a transformation in the entire scenario. The ineffective or rater counter effective reaction of anger will be replaced by empathy, support, and assistance, which will lead to appropriate actions or resolutions in the situation."

What do some religious scriptures say about anger is written below for ready reference. If someone believes in practicing according to the teachings of scriptures, then this is for you."

Guru Granth Sahab -

ਹੇ ਕਲਿ ਮੂਲ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੰ ਕਦੰਚ ਕਰੁਣਾ ਨ ਉਪਰਜਤੇ ॥

Hae Kal Mool Krodhhan Kadhanch Karunaa N Ouparajathae ||

O anger, you are the root of conflict; compassion never rises up in you.

ਕਾਮੁ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਲੋਭੁ ਤਜਿ ਗਏ ਪਿਆਰੇ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਚਰਨੀ ਪਾਇ ॥੫॥

Kaam Krodhh Lobh Thaj Geae Piaarae Sathigur Charanee Paae ||5||

Lust, anger and greed left me, O Beloved, when I fell at the Feet of the True Guru. ||5||

 Ramcharitmanas Sundarkaand-

* तब लगि हृदयँ बसत खल नाना। लोभ मोह मत्सर  मद माना॥

जब लगि उर न बसत रघुनाथा। धरें चाप सायक कटि भाथा॥1॥ सुन्दरकाण्ड रामचरितमानस

Greed, attachment, envy (burning desire), pride, and ego, among others, reside in the heart as long as the divine does not reside in the heart.

Bhagawat Geeta -

"ध्यायतो विषयान्पुंसः संगस्तेषूपजायते। संगात्संजायते कामः कामात्क्रोधोऽभिजायते।" (भगवद गीता, अध्याय 2, श्लोक 62)

"क्रोधाद्भवति सम्मोहः सम्मोहात्स्मृतिविभ्रमः। स्मृतिभ्रंशाद् बुद्धिनाशो बुद्धिनाशात्प्रणश्यति।" (भगवद गीता, अध्याय 2, श्लोक 63)

Vishaya from Sanskrit offers a range of meaning, from 'object of perception' to 'object of enjoyment. ' The term can be understood as representing the world of sensory objects, otherwise known as the material world.

A person who contemplates upon Vishayas (no appropriate word for "Vishyas" is known to me hence explained above) develops attachment to those Vishayas. Attachment leads to desire. Desire gives rise to anger. Anger leads to delusion. Delusion results in loss of memory. With the loss of memory, intelligence is destroyed. When intelligence is destroyed, a person falls.

कामः क्रोधस्तथा लोभस्तस्मादेतत्रयं त्यजेत।। 

त्रिविधं नरकसयेदँ  द्वारं नाशनमात्मनः।।गीता :अध्याय 16 श्लोक 21 

If heaven in the form of happiness? Then hell is in the form of suffering. Hence, even in this very life, a person can experience heaven and hell based on their state of mind. In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna states that there are three gates to hell: desire, anger, and greed. These three distortions lead the soul downward. Desire, anger, and greed destroy the soul. Therefore, one should completely eradicate these three fault.

Bhaagwat puran-

एवं निर्जितषड्‌‌वर्गै: क्रियते भक्तिरीश्वरे । वासुदेवे भगवति यया संलभ्यते रति: ॥7.7.33 ॥ Through these (above-mentioned) activities, a person becomes capable of controlling the influences of enemies—desire, anger, greed, attachment, pride, envy—and by doing so, they can serve God. In this way, they can certainly attain a profound devotion to God. Quran ( talks very briefly on anger at one place only but impactfully) ٱلَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِى ٱلسَّرَّآءِ وَٱلضَّرَّآءِ وَٱلْكَـٰظِمِينَ ٱلْغَيْظَ وَٱلْعَافِينَ عَنِ ٱلنَّاسِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ ١٣٤ ˹They are˺ those who donate in prosperity and adversity, control their anger, and pardon others. And Allah loves the good-doers. । 3.134 surah Ali imran। Bible- Psalm 37:8 "Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil." Proverbs 14:29 "Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly." Proverbs 15:1 "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." if this helps even one individual in Mindful Observation, Evaluation, and Natural Management of anger , mine objective to pen down this article gets fulfilled .  Yours truly! in the natural journey of  emotion to nature, and from nature to character through mindful selection of positive emotions in pursuit of shaping a positive character                                                                                                                                     Abhay